>wife has job, $100k/yr salary
>she is absolutely miserable every day because of it
>treats me like shit because shes always mad
>I’m always on edge because anything I say will piss her off
>she asks my advice, I tell her to quit
>she says she can’t because of mortgage, baby, etc.
>tell her my salary can cover everything
>tell her if she doesn’t quit, then just don’t work as hard
>she says she can’t or her boss will yell at her
Is this a woman thing? Why can’t they deal with being yelled at over a zoom call?
For $100k, yell at me all you want, why would I give a shit if you kept paying me?
I’m trying to convince her that her work is not serious, every job is a game and you only work to get paid. She acts like she needs to get some kind of fulfillment out of a job. I just don’t get it and can’t really give her any advice because our philosophies are so incompatible.
1) People react differently to stress.
2) You have not once stopped to consider the sacrifice she makes to bring home the dough. Be more supportive. Telling her she can be a housewife is not a valid option.
And whiles you're right about what you're saying, it's not the right time. Communication nagger. Learn it. Help her fulfill her best potential, and if that includes for her surviving this job then that's it.
Less logic, more empathy.
She 100% wants to be a stay at home mom. That’s what makes this even crazier.
Just tell her you can run a beta test on it. Your family can live on only your income for 3 months. Every dollar she earns should go into a savings vehicle that cannot be touched until the test ends.
That’s a good idea
worst case scenario you guys have a big chunk of money to do something with at the end of the test.
>I’m trying to convince her that her work is not serious
Buddy, you're playing a losing game here. By trying to convince her that all careers is a joke or a game, in her mind you're actually undermining the hard work it took her to get to where she's at
.
>Less logic, more empathy.
Yep, absolutely this. You're not helping by trying to "solve" the issue. She's looking to you for emotional support and all you're offering is logical sequences. No wonder she treats you like shit. You're not giving her what she wants.
>By trying to convince her that all careers is a joke or a game, in her mind you're actually undermining the hard work it took her to get to where she's at
NTA, but there in lies the problem. She's devoting more of herself to a boss that doesn't love her, and taking out her frustrations on the man who does love her.
She has to pick priorities, and it looks like she wants to chase a paycheck more than be there for her husband and child
Have you considered that she's chasing a paycheck FOR NOW in order to helpfully provide for that husband and child in the future? By taking away her agency to work, she will absolutely resent OP. She can always quit later when she feels there is an adequate amount saved up. She's sacrificing her current mental health for future happiness and it's a complete joke that you insinuate she's not prioritizing her family. All she is asking for in return is for her husband to share the emotional burden with her instead of trying to "fix" everything but it seems he's incapable of that.
That’s totally fine with me. But treat it as it is, a means to an end. Don’t bring the bad attitude into your home. Leave it completely at work. It’s not fair to your family to take your frustration from a job that doesn’t give a fuck about you (and to be honest, is not that difficult) out in your family who only try to help you. There is literally zero excuse for it.
If OP had even a shred of empathy in him, she wouldn't be acting shitty. Trust me, she's not acting shitty to OP because of work. She's acting shitty because he's trying to be the typical man who has to solve every problem in front of him instead of just actively listening to her dumb work problems and being like "yeah babe that sucks". That's literally all it takes to be empathetic, but OP wants to actually SHAME his wife into believing she's a horrible person for bringing home 100k a year.
> solve every problem in front of him instead of just actively listening to her
OP here, the part that you may have missed is where she’s actively asks me what she should do. I am an honest man, so I will not lie and tell her everything is fine when it is not. You ask for my advice? I’m going to tell you the best course of action. Don’t agree? That’s fine, but to then treat me poorly because of your own decisions is very disrespectful.
Well, guess what, OP? In her mind, quitting is not an option currently. And your inability to decipher and understand that is what's causing this impasse between you two. So I suggest you look for alternative suggestions beyond trying to convince her that your method is most logical and will always be right.
See
See
>he's acting like a typical man who has to solve every problem in front of him
Yes that's what we do, we solve problems. Continuing to stew in problems, particularly easily solved ones, stresses men out and angers them. I don't know why women don't get this, it's the equivalent of anal sex, we'll do it because we love you but it is not enjoyable.
Sorry, but trying to convince your life partner that worked hard to get to her six figure job that she should slack off at work in order to get fired to collect unemployment is literally the stupidest "advice" possible. And it's absolutely no wonder why OP's wife hates him for the suggestion.
Given that wife has decided to outsource her work stress to husband the answer of quitting or cutting back hours is absolutely reasonable, when your work starts to impact your home life you need to figure something out beyond just taking a daily emotional shit on your loved ones.
I guarantee you that OP's wife isn't as bothered by her work as she is at her dumbass husband's insistence she get herself fired and throw away everything she worked for.
I suppose we can't really know the wife's side of the story, all we really know is that OP isn't happy with the current status quo which makes the situation unsustainable.
>get herself fired
I don't think OP wants her fired, I think he said that it doesn't really matter if she does get fired because they are financially secure, so there is no need to grovel or be overly job oriented. I've honestly had the same conversation, getting fired is not a goal, it's more about understanding that getting fired is not an existential crisis and so you don't have to put up with abuse.
I'm also curious as to how young this baby they have is, if they're sleeping through the night yet, and what the childcare split is.
If prioritizing home love gets you fired, then it was a shit place to work.
Money isn't everything, and your boss won't be by your side when you go to the hospital
When you are on your death bed, where no money can go with you, what will you think of? Your wageslaving, or the children you helped raise?
I will bring this up to her, maybe shame is the answer. I’m sure if the tables were turned, a women would no doubt try to spin it as a form of “cheating”.
Holy fuck, OP. Good luck. You've learned absolutely nothing.
I don’t think you understand, because “emotional support” is just a longer way to say “enabling”.
Oh how terrible it must be to enable your life partner to make an extra 100 grand a year.
I’m the one telling her that she should keep working! Quitting is stupid, no u implying that money. I told her to scale WAYY back in her work. Basically slack off. Take care of literally anything else in your life besides work. Then, if you do get fired for it, great! You don’t have that shitty job anymore and at least you got 3-4 more paychecks out of it, and you’ll get unemployment until you find another.
>just throw away everything you've done to get to this point professionally
You can't really be this dumb to see why she wouldn't go for this, can you?
Control freak. That's gonna backfire.
No, I am in no way controlling. It’s just is not fair at all for me to live on eggshells because she doesn’t know how to manage her emotions and for some reasons considers a job to be any more than a means to a paycheck.
I can see the value of providing emotional support in situations that aren't constantly reoccurring, this is like an every day thing, not just "oh my mom said something rude to me today and [bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch]"
>You're not giving her what she wants.
nah fuck. Women are crazy. She is not accepting her own position. She is saying boss is mad. No ego is mad. I've let my ego get attacked. You do a lot of work and then someone says you suck and you are like motherfucker! so you work harder. Maybe you stay in that spot, maybe you hit a wall and people say you doin drugs? Or maybe you end up snapping. I'm snapping next time. Like motherfucker I do so much and you people don't have a goddamn thing to say
I'm actually livid in general right now this just happened lol
Women shouldn't have a job. Their only job is to take care of the house and kids.
t - kissless incel
t. post-wall roastie
Is your wife making more money than you?
Yes, but my salary would more than cover everything (low cost of living)
Wait, I missed this part. LMFAO! Now it's totally obvious why she thinks OP is a complete idiot for suggesting she slack off to get fired. She's probably wondering to herself how she ended up marrying such a fucking moron.
It's fake. only the COALITION has the truth
>Just quit your $100k job and become solely dependent on me
>Just be bad at your job so that management gets on your ass and eventually fires you
>I don't understand why my wife is pissed off at anything I say
me like shit because shes always mad
(record scratch)
This is where you say "Our marriage isn't a prison sentence. If you don't like it, you can leave at anytime"
Sounds harsh, but if you don't stand up for yourself, you're going to continue to be a doormat and punching bag for this woman.
This is a woman thing, women often confuse work obligations for familial ones where men have a better understanding of the employer-employee relationship. It's one of the reasons corporations like women in these positions, they're very easily manipulated into doing shit for free and thinking coworkers are their friends.
Personally OP I was in a very similar situation to you, both wife and I work, but either of us could cover all of our expenses easily. Wife kept working long hours, doing shit for her work, and generally prioritizing it over me and the kids. It almost brought us to divorce it got so bad, at one point I thought she might be having an affair but after spying I found out that no, she really was just a super corporate slave. Anyways we had an intervention of sorts and I had to explain to her that she wasn't just hurting herself, but the kids and me too, and that something had to change. I think the real killer was when she realized none of the kids liked spending time with her. She still works the same job, but there is no more overtime and no more stress brought home from boss drama, in fact she's finally realized that her boss cannot afford to replace her anyways. In your situation your wife makes $100k yearly working remote, if true she's a highly skilled professional of some sort and can get a new job with relative ease, if this boss is yelling at her she should quit regardless of if she intends to stop working. I recommend a sit down and explaining that you cannot keep doing this.
Probably because she does a lot at work because people are conditioned to listen to the boss or else the boss would let her go. Ask her if other people in her position work as hard as her
>get to pick from billions of women
>numerous personality types
>countless aspirational goals
>infinite number of traits interests and quirks
>pick one that you dont like
why are you retarded OP, you should have picked better
Let your wife know she’s more than an employee, she’s enough, she’s amazing, you love her, etc. But also let her know that she doesn’t need to derive any self worth from people above her in that little kingdom we call a company. It’s absurd. Taking pride in one’s work is fine, allowing yourself to be exploited is not. I think it’s a good idea to suggest she not keep pushing herself farther than what’s necessary because that’s what the slugs higher up you go in this world all have in common, they all do it. Money can be life changing, work can be fulfilling, but slave driving will always without fail burn us out. She could probably be doing the same work at a company who might treat her better, or at least one which hasn’t learned her vulnerability to exploitation. I think everyone has to learn at some point not to kill themselves for their ungrateful bosses and if they’re yelling at her then even more reason not to be in that abusive environment. It’ll be tough though because you can only suggest these things to her not actually make a choice for her. It absolutely could be a wedge in your relationship which could end it
Do a personality test
https://understandmyself.com/get-understand-myself
I swear I'm not paid for this, it sounds like you have a serious mismatch in temperment
She should not take her anger and stress from work out on you, just like if a man had a stressful job he shouldn't come home and take his stress out on his wife. You need to have a serious discussion with her and tell her this. "Your inability to manage your stress and anger is affecting our marriage. I do not want you to come home and treat me like shit anymore. I shouldn't have to walk on egg shells because your job is hard." If she doesn't adjust her attitude, I would leave her. And since she makes more than you, you won't have to pay much child support either. She's acting like a breadwinner man from 40 years ago and you're letting her lmao. If my wife started shitting on me at home because of her "tough job" I'd fuck her shit up. Don't be such a fucking pussy.
Your post started strong but then then the misogyny and dripping insecurity came in. Literal fragile masculinity that has no relation to OPs problem
She probably wants to vent and you keep giving her solutions. She doesn't want solutions since she already knows what they are; she wants to bitch.
The ideal outcome would be that you redirect her, when she's ready, to a less stressful job. You should probably also tell her how it feels to be married to someone who's stressed all the time, but in a sympathetic "I'm concerned about you" way.
she feels like she has a duty to work hard, be productive to society, exercise her mind body and capabilities, not be a drain and provide for her family and their future. she seems very masculine have you checked for a penis