Zombies in the Amazon user agreement

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  • This topic has 72 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 8 months ago by Anonymous.
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    • #94770
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Can Amazon make “jokes” in their legal documents or do they know something?

      https://aws.amazon.com/service-terms/

      <42.10 However, this restriction will not apply in the event of the occurrence (certified by the United States Centers for Disease Control or successor body) of a widespread viral infection transmitted via bites or contact with bodily fluids that causes human corpses to reanimate and seek to consume living human flesh, blood, brain or nerve tissue and is likely to result in the fall of organized civilization.

    • #94771
      Anonymous
      Guest

      A zombie apocalypse is literally impossible. Anyone who understands who energy consumption works at the most basic level should understand this.

      • #94772
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Or anyone who understands life and death.

      • #94773
        Anonymous
        Guest

        nonsense

        • #94793
          Anonymous
          Guest

          How is it nonsense Moishe?

        • #94812
          Anonymous
          Guest

          Tell us what you know garden gnome
          Are you making zombies for your volcano demon? Weren’t the goyim foreskins enough to satisfy your evil "god"

      • #94774
        Anonymous
        Guest

        lol you really think people who believe in religious magic won’t believe in zombies?

      • #94775
        Anonymous
        Guest

        the idea of zombies or any other supernatural occurrence is that: what you/we understand has been wrong

      • #94781
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Is it not possible for a parasite to enter your body and take over control of your nervous system and brain? You wouldn’t technically be dead but you could lose control of all thought and movement

        • #94782
          Anonymous
          Guest

          He thinks fast zombies that can run for weeks with no food and water while missing half their body are the only zombies

        • #94783
          Anonymous
          Guest

          A parasite isnt going to understand what food is safe for humans to eat if it can even understand how to eat in the first place.

          >Need energy
          >What is available
          >Drinks drain cleaner
          >Mr. Host I don’t feel so good

          • #94784
            Anonymous
            Guest

            Maybe that black stuff that’s supposedly in the vaccines is actually an artificial parasite that zombifies it’s host and operates on microwaves from 5G towers? IDK sounds cool af though.

          • #94787
            Anonymous
            Guest

            A zombie apocalypse is literally impossible. Anyone who understands who energy consumption works at the most basic level should understand this.

            midwits in action

            >A PARASITE WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT A PLANT STEM IS AND THAT THE AND SHOULD CLIMB UP AND BITE INTO IT!!!
            Do you scrotebrains know what rabies is?

            • #94788
              Anonymous
              Guest

              *ANT

            • #94796
              Anonymous
              Guest

              Okay

              >Need energy
              >Host is omnivore, what luck
              >What is available
              >Eats poison berries, dies
              >Catches rat, eats it raw, dies

              Humans aren’t like bugs or wild animals, we’re much more vulnerable to food poisoning. That’s why you have an oven and a fridge.

              • #94808
                Anonymous
                Guest

                >we’re much more vulnerable to food poisoning.
                We’re really not particularly weak to food poisoning; your gut biome adapts to what and how you eat. We SEEM weak to it now because we don’t have to eat that way anymore and the gut biome has adapted away from it. Our stomach acid is still on par with scavengers, but we haven’t had to scavenge for 10,000 years.

                • #94831
                  Anonymous
                  Guest

                  Can confirm I got food poisoning a bunch of times as a kid, and now I literally can’t get it, even if I eat raw chicken, maybe if it was rotten I would? but otherwise it just doesnt happen

            • #94820
              Anonymous
              Guest

              >Do you scrotebrains know what rabies is?
              fiction

              • #94834
                Anonymous
                Guest

                Good. Go pet a dog foaming at the mouth then.

          • #94807
            Anonymous
            Guest

            More likely such a parasite would just need to overstimulate the hunger part of the brain to the point where it overrides the part of the brain that says "don’t eat living human flesh"

            • #94842
              Anonymous
              Guest

              Combine that with supply chains collapsing and Bill Gates rugpulling the agricultural industry and it’d be worse than any movie. You don’t even get the simplicity of "Oh no, my family member is a zombie now, time to shoot them now!" They’d just be themselves under some psychosis from intense hunger. It happened to an extent in the holodomor without a parasite.

        • #94798
          Anonymous
          Guest

          Its possible something like that could make people more violent and unhinged.

          • #94826
            Anonymous
            Guest

            This, any disease that makes humans violent isn’t going to be fun like the walking dead, it’s going to be depressing and bonked up like crossed, where they’re normal people just worse to the extreme. Kinda like everywhere turning into a ghetto. You wouldn’t know whether to bug out or not, the morality of blasting everyone in the dome will be very grey because they might be infected but they are probably still "human", and you might accidentally blow away a normal human having a bad day from all the stress.

      • #94794
        Anonymous
        Guest

        It’s possible, just that it wouldn’t last very long

      • #94804
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Coming back from the dead is impossible, of course, but a human rabies variant isn’t impossible is it? Basically 72 hours of terror.

      • #94805
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Please tell me how energy consumption works.

      • #94810
        Anonymous
        Guest

        I’m a necromancer and you’re wrong

      • #94811
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Decaying hands typed this

      • #94813
        Anonymous
        Guest

        An actual risen from the dead walking dead scenario. Sure. That can never happen. But there are plenty of ways to make people crazy enough to be considered zombies. Id rather fight 28days zombies than actual undead. The 28 days one dont require total annalhation of the body.

        Just an FYI tho the US military does have plans set to deal with any type of zombie outbreak. Not joking.

      • #94816
        Anonymous
        Guest

        What about an aggression virus?

      • #94817
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Crossed is closest thing to a feasible zombie apocalypse because they retain their intelligence but become bloodthirsty and sadistic

      • #94818
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Who says you have to be dead to be a zombie?

      • #94824
        Anonymous
        Guest

        the ‘zombie apocalypse’ would be your ass starving while the elites eat

      • #94827
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Imagine believing that we don’t actually live right now in a zombie apocalypse.

      • #94833
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Oof, midwit tier plebbit

      • #94841
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Brains

    • #94776
      Anonymous
      Guest

      They actually can make jokes in contracts. They surely have a salvatorius clause in that user agreement.

    • #94777
      Anonymous
      Guest

      not being able to detect sarcasm is a sign of the `tism

      • #94814
        Anonymous
        Guest

        not being able to read the first sentence of a thread is a sign of you being a scrotebrained scrote

    • #94778
      Anonymous
      Guest

      its tsa for their game engine.
      its a joke.

    • #94779
      Anonymous
      Guest

      This is Amazon’s way of checking if anyone is paying attention.

    • #94780
      Anonymous
      Guest

      What is 4 and what is 2 times 10?

    • #94785
      Anonymous
      Guest

      it’s fun
      I wrote that

    • #94786
      Anonymous
      Guest

      https://i.imgur.com/WNU8eMu.gif

      >certified by the United States Centers for Disease Control or successor body
      >or successor body

    • #94789
      Anonymous
      Guest

      *sigh* OP, it can’t happen. The human body just isn’t strong enough for it and there is no way that oxygen would be pumped, or are you saying they have beating hearts and mostly intact bodies aka normal living people, then maybe.

      Also let’s pretend the zombie can still see, then everything it saw would be upside down due to the lack of decoding from its visual nerves to the visual cortex area of the brain, if that’s even intact.

    • #94790
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Have you no understanding of fungal intelligence? This is plausible and we have examples in nature already.

      • #94791
        Anonymous
        Guest

        >human bodies are just like tiny insects that weigh fractions of ounces apiece

      • #94792
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Also those animals aren’t dead, anon. Go back.

    • #94795
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Now, what you need to be concerned about is that the Pentagon drew up plans on how to deal with a "zombie" plague, but it’s just code and practice for murdering American citizens when Obama, the revealed actual sitting president at this time, to bring out.

    • #94797
      Anonymous
      Guest

      They can put basically anything they want in a contract as long as it does not violate any state or federal contact law. That being said, yes, it is a joke. Companies do this all the time to point out how reckless people are to prove the concept that no one reads the legally binding contracts they agree to on regular basis. However, in the even the CDC did declare such an infection, this part of the contract would be binding.

      • #94801
        Anonymous
        Guest

        >it’s just a joke
        >it’s legally binding though
        kys

    • #94799
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >can Amazon
      Yes, Amazon can do anything it wants lol you freaking rube.

    • #94800
      JFK Jr is the antichrist
      Guest

      To end the zombie apocalypse, we have to switch off or destroy the 5g, 4g, 3g towers and the radio towers.

      This will switch off the zombies completely.

      Make a mental note of all the radio and 5g towers in your 50 km environment. They are usually on hills, mountains, tall buildings.

      There are many ways these radio and 5g towers can be destroyed or inactivated. Be creative.

      English glowies died for this information. They were true heroes.

    • #94802
      Anonymous
      Guest

      If zombies are on the loose I’ve not got the time to wait for overnight delivery

    • #94803
      Anonymous
      Guest

      americans are zombies already, especially the vaxxed ones

    • #94806
      Anonymous
      Guest

      These monstrous companies and their monstrous lawyers are trying to be cute.

    • #94809
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Dumb as a scrote I see Op. Those are the terms for a video game engine, it is a very obvious joke.
      Here, have a (you).

    • #94815
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Are you sure it’s a joke?

    • #94819
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >used to work in a bio-research facility, that was contracted by the DOD to try and find cures and vaxxes for weaponized bio agents.
      >Weird cause you’d think they’d send us the samples to work with.
      >Instead spent years creating weaponized hybrid viruses, and bacteria, with some work in fungus.
      >Turns out zombies will never ever happen, sorry fanboys, but what I can tell you is weaponized rabies is absolutely terrifying
      >Infected a marmoset, set it loose in cage with 15 other marmosets for transmission study.
      >Fucker killed 9, maimed 3, and infected the remaining 2 with bites.
      >From infection to full blown psycho killing was 72 hrs. After which it died another 36 hours later.

      Don’t worry about zombies, worry about shitty labs designed to look like oil rigs just chilling a few miles off coast….. The one I worked at was near Galveston in the gulf…..

      Shit is chilling honestly, one hurricane incident and all of Texas could be out killing each other in less than two weeks.

      • #94821
        Anonymous
        Guest

        please more LARP.

        • #94829
          Anonymous
          Guest

          We did work with modified strep A clusters and syphilis, never got past animal testing.

          But any slight wound would turn into necrotic rotting shit in less than 24 hrs. I mean any little nick, cut, or scrape. Would become an oozing, multicolored hellscape rotting right off the body.

          • #94839
            Anonymous
            Guest

            I’m a strep carrier, checkmate mad scientist.

        • #94837
          Anonymous
          Guest
          • #94838
            Anonymous
            Guest

            Cool, tell us more larp stories instead of highlighting wikis and sending pictures of signs

      • #94822
        Anonymous
        Guest

        I also work in a place like this. I can smell the burning test monkeys right now, actually.

        • #94836
          Anonymous
          Guest

          High five bud

      • #94825
        Anonymous
        Guest

        kek. You should be worried about annuda war instead of make believe zombie rabies

        • #94832
          Anonymous
          Guest

          Goddamn sweater Mexicans don’t know how to read or process information. Who knew mixing french pigs and timber scrotes could create such a dumb group of people.

    • #94823
      Anonymous
      Guest

      It is funny though

    • #94828
      Anonymous
      Guest

      "human corpses to re-animate and bite people"

      they could’ve just said feral scrotes. it’s faster to type and saves paper.

    • #94830
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Its for a scripting engine for games you jack ass.

    • #94835
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >it’s unironically on there

    • #94840
      Anonymous
      Guest

      the Pentagon has their own which is more concerning

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CONOP_8888

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