What can I do to make him feel safe?

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    • #149

      I am curious as to whether there is anything the potential or not-quite partner can do to create enough safety for the philophobe?

      There is no question love is there, but so is a hx of first girlfriend dying, etc. My loved one’s fear seems not only the rational fear of getting hurt, but an “irrational” but understandable fear of somehow “causing” hurt to me by really letting go.

      As it is, he asks me to be in his life, because he doesn’t want to be without me, yet manages always to keep a buffer of some form or other between us. All I know to do is to be honest yet respectful of whatever he needs to do. However, it’s hard not to sometimes feel hurt that his discomfort with connection always trumps my need for connection.

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