What would you do with a time machine?

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    • #60989
      Anonymous
      Guest

      What dastardly things would you do with a time machine? I’ll start

      >go back to 1953
      >congress realizes they forgot to ratify Ohio’s constitution, thus technically making it not a state
      >call some representative and tell him to vote no on H.R.121
      >Ohio’s constitution is ratified 434-1
      this will have no effect on the outcome of the vote, but would be kinda funny

    • #60990
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >go to medival europe
      >find some random peasent
      >get him to eat a handful of these at once promising some shinny shit i got from the 1€ store
      >watch the hilarity ensuing

      • #60993
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Yeah I always imagine doing this too. Just going to the English court in the 1400s and gifting them modern-day sweets. Keep going back and forth as some sort of weird foreign elf who has all these neat snacks. Henry VII getting hooked on starburst.

        • #60994
          Anonymous
          Guest

          i would mostly do that because i want to see how a tongue that is basically used to dried meat at the worst reacts to something so sour it can only be achived with chemestry. He will have no face

          • #60996
            Anonymous
            Guest

            I once stuck a bunch of those super sour warheads in my mouth in the 7th grade and burned my tastebuds off. The peasant will die.

            • #60997
              Anonymous
              Guest

              and by that, you are a one of a kind person in histroy..
              Who else killed with pure taste?

          • #61022
            Anonymous
            Guest

            >He will have no face

    • #60991
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I’d kill my younger self a few months before my 13th birthday. That’s when it all went downhill.

    • #60992
      Anonymous
      Guest

      go back in time and fuck that one prosititute who later became a byzantine empress

      Im going to bust a royal nut

    • #60995
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Would build my dream mansion with tons of hidden rooms and whatnot and make sure I inherit it.
      Not that dastardly but I dreamt about it last night so it’s on my mind.

    • #60998
      Anonymous
      Guest

      steal all of the guns. all of them. you think i’m exaggerating? nah. they will be well hidden in the Appalachian mountains.

    • #60999
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Smuggle Anne Frank on a modern transport promising her safety, then rape her on the way to America.

      • #61002
        Anonymous
        Guest

        hot

    • #61000
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I’d take some greek pots from museums and bury them throughout the US just to fuck with historians.

    • #61001
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Make it my life’s mission to ensure no African will step foot on American soil

    • #61003
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Depends, which type of time travel are we operating on, because there’s 3 basic kinds
      >Type 1: the timeline can’t actually be changed, everything that happened was supposed to happen, even you going back in time and doing shit is something you always did
      >Type 2: You can change minor things but the timestream has too much momentum of its own for minor things to be able to affect the grand scale of things barring something insane like a paradox (see: any point the timeline in Legacy of Kain was changed because there’s 2 Reavers in the same place at the same time so the universe goes "uhhhhh well the Reaver does something here so I’ll go with whichever one does something first and forcibly adjust the timeline from there")
      >Type 3: multiverse theory, every time you change something it just creates a new timeline where that happened but your timeline is unaffected

      • #61007
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Reddit

      • #61026
        Anonymous
        Guest

        type 4: time doesn’t actually exist, going back in time is just restructuring the universe to be in line with that point

    • #61004
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I’d go back and kill childhood me.

    • #61005
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Go to Roanoke shortly after it was abandoned and carve a dick and balls onto one of the trees.

    • #61006
      Anonymous
      Guest

      i would do nothing dastardly i would just go to all the big cities throughout history and have a quiet day of hanging out in each while trying to blend in

    • #61008
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >First step: have a nice day in order to fix your death in the timeline, thus making you immune to everything and immortal for as long as you avoid that specific room/time/date. (When you get bored enough to want to end it all try to say something annoying, cryptic, and meaningless just before the end; to annoy your younger self as he ponders it for the next few millennia – he’ll get the joke when he grows up a little)
      >Second step: Get the hedonism out of the system, party with Nero, seduce your various historical waifus, do absolutely heinous things to innocent young maidens, and break every taboo you can think of. You’re immortal and have infinite time to get back in shape so cut loose.
      >Third step: Just start trolling and photobombing as many separate places as possible, see if you can start a couple of fun conspiracy theories, when you’re ready for a pro tier run see if you can start a few cults worshipping you, then drop in to check on them from time to time. If you can get a few of these cults to start fighting each other just enjoy the show.
      >Fourth step: Do whatever the fuck you like, you’ve got more than all the time in the world.

    • #61009
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I’d go back to the stone age and cuck Y-chromosome Adam, now every man in the world is my patrilineal descendant.

    • #61010
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Leave a skeleton near the Apollo 11 landing site

    • #61011
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >go back in time to around 1914
      >kill franz ferdinand myself, then use my time travel powers to disappear
      >have LULZ schizos talk about the 1914 time traveler assassination incident

      • #61013
        Anonymous
        Guest

        This, upstage a number of high profile assassinations using unmistakably advanced technology – preferring older ones where claims of a man appearing out of nowhere, doing something magical, and then disappearing will be written off as superstition and the chronicler repeating a story seventh hand – and then just see how crazy you can make the stories.

    • #61012
      Anonymous
      Guest

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TIGR
      >Among the actions planned by the organization, the most daring and far-reaching was probably the attempt on Benito Mussolini’s life in 1938. The plan was supposed to be carried out in 1938, when the dictator visited Kobarid (then officially known as Caporetto). The plan was put off at the last minute, most probably because of the pressure by the British intelligence, which opposed such an action in times when Mussolini was conducting an active role in the negotiations that led to the Munich agreement.
      Would tell them I’m part of British intelligence and they should totally do that shit.

    • #61014
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I sometimes wonder what would happen if I went back to ancient Rome or the medieval times with a random, printed up meme or anime girl or some other internet picture and posted it on a wall somewhere. What would happen to it: would someone take it home, would some monk find it and try to decipher its meaning, would some alchemist take it and try to reverse-engineer modern paper? The modern convenience of the household printer is so taken for granted.

      I’ll use this blindly-selected meme from my folder as an example.

    • #61015
      Arno Niem
      Guest

      Re-record every Beatles song.
      Play them on the radio several days before the actual Beatles version is released.

    • #61017
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >time travel to America in before colonization, hell, before Muhammad is even born
      >write texts that have some mutual content and message with Quran, do it in multiple languages
      >hide them around really well
      >wait until 20th century to reveal them subtly, so that people will have the science to decipher the physical age of those texts
      >see the utter confusion and mind-blowness when people are faced with texts containing islamic scripture and languages that are not native to USA and contain religious content that shouldn’t have existed then, yet there’s no denying that the texts are as old as they are

      • #61025
        Anonymous
        Guest

        You would only do LDS’s bidding

    • #61018
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I would sneak an object or icon into a bunch of famous portraits and pictures of influential people across different cultures (think the assassin’s creed apple of eden) onto the set and make a bunch of people scratch their heads in the present.

      • #61020
        Anonymous
        Guest

        So, you’re the turbo-melanoid who put that little purse in all the ancient Mesopotamian art?

    • #61019
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I go back to Italy before the rise of the Roman empire and plant a ton of tomato and chili pepper seeds all around the countryside.

      Then I return to the present and see what European cuisine would be like if they had those ingredients available from the start.

    • #61023
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Damn that actually creative. I was just gonna give crack to random peasants throughout history

    • #61024
      Anonymous
      Guest

      i’d leave ancient gnomish symbols in ancient japanese graves to utterly confuse future archaeologists and have em think the japanese people are the lost tribe of israel or some fun stuff like that

      • #61033
        Anonymous
        Guest

        I’d make sure the "lost tribe" actually becomes a lost tribe

      • #61037
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Go back in time, write a detailed description of 20th century history (make sure to include specific names, dates, locations, etc), end it with a description of WWIII ending with Armageddon and the end of human life due to ‘ungodly fire the kings of Americia and Chien hurl from the sky’. Come back to the present day and discover it, just to watch the reaction.

        • #61038
          Anonymous
          Guest

          could make a doomsday cult in japan that says the world ends in 1945 in heavenly fire

    • #61027
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >buy bob the hobo’s shopping cart full of aluminum cans
      >go to 1890 and sell the aluminum
      >use the money to buy bitcoin in 2008

    • #61028
      Anonymous
      Guest

      go back to the height of the roman empire, introduce the printing press(and a method to reliably manufacture them using the technology of the time)

    • #61029
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >go back to 2013 me
      >tell me to buy bitcoin
      >tell parents to dump every single penny into bitcoin
      >sell in April of 2021
      >tell me to go to gym
      >tell me to stop being a pussy and fuck that cute Latina in English class
      >tell me to focus on grades
      >tell me to follow my passion and develop skills early
      Nothing original
      I don’t give a fuck about altering history

    • #61030
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >go to Palestine 1913
      >tell local leaders not to trust the angl*s
      >tell them to kill every garden gnome they see and to kill every garden gnome that arrives as soon as they step off the ship
      I fixed the middle east

      • #61031
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Based, but you forgot to tell the Greeks the Anglos weren’t going to honor the treaty of Sevres, and the Hashemites the Anglos were gonna make the Saudis the rulers of Arabia.

      • #61034
        Anonymous
        Guest

        Also
        >bring a bunch of machine guns
        >hire a bunch of bedouins
        >tell tell they’ll get paid with every wahabbist scum they kill
        >go to Egypt
        >Kill every Salafist
        >bring a bunch of euros to find oil fields
        >have them teach the Arabs how tk extract and refine it, how to maintain machines
        >then kill them
        >go to Germany
        >Kill Wilhelm
        >go to Russia
        >Kill the tzar before he fucks everything up
        >go to Paris
        >write the great English language novels and become world famous

    • #61036
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Go back in time and fuck Rosa Luxemburg

      Also kiss her nose

    • #61039
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >1945
      >Allies are encircling Berlin
      >The war is all but over
      >Teleport to the bunker right after Hitler commits suicide
      >Forge his suicide letter
      >mfw the Fuhrer’s last official statement was "SORRY FOR PARTY ROCKING"

    • #61040
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >make Anne Frank pregnant
      >fuck her while she’s pregnant

    • #61041
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >Publius Quintilius Varus! Don’t trust Arminius, he’s a traitor!

    • #61042
      Anonymous
      Guest

      >Go back far, far back into antiquity
      >Become known as the greatest explorer ever by building ships and mapping the fuck outta the world early on, circumnavigate the world
      >The entire world’s countries becomes completely aware of each other in roughly the same time period

      >Murder the fuck outta M*hammed and his followers before they gain any traction
      >Ensure G*d’s chosen people go extinct, everything burned and destroyed, not even good for selling into slavery
      But let’s be honest, we’d all seek to unite Europe, kickstart the renaissance ideals and industrialization early and then possibly unite the world through conquest and what not. With time travel shenanigans you could probably live far beyond a normal person’s lifespan, thus lending even more credence to your Godhood.

      We’d all play Emperor of Mankind

      • #61043
        Anonymous
        Guest

        >we’d all seek to unite Europe

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