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When I was 14 I thought I loved someone but then they left me for someone prettier and I think thats how this started. I waited 6 months to try and date again. There was this guy who really liked me, and we dated for a little while, it was almost perfect. He wanted to give his virginity to me and everything. He was so sweet and caring, I thought it would last but then, these random thoughts started going through my head. I feared he would break up with me and hurt me just as the first guy had done..I slowly started shutting myself off to him until I broke up with him so I could try to save him from getting hurt, like I had been. He did nothing wrong yet I am the one who ended it, he tried calling and texting, asking what he had done to make me do what I did. I ignored him. I like the people I know would never like me back so that I don’t have to face a real relationship. I long to have a relationship where these thoughts are not part of me. Every which way I turn, I’m so scared of letting someone get too close, scared to love, scared to let someone love me in return. Sometimes I think I’m destined to be alone, and sometimes I think I deserve it.
Comments would be appriciated..
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