Not really philophobia

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      The first time that I had a boyfriend was way back when I was 15 years old. I have known him all my life and our families were friends. I have never thought of falling in love with him, for me, it was too cliche to fall for someone you have known for so long.

      But eventually, I started to fall for him. The feeling was new. I felt that someone loved me for who I am. He made me feel like I was his queen. And he even planned our future, that after 12 years, he would marry me. And in return, I promised him that he will be my forever and always. But after 3 months, we fell apart. I was the one who broke up with him. Just because of a stupid misunderstanding, i lost everything.

      I tried to get him back, but he said he was too hurt. As I failed, all I can do then is to cry myself to sleep. I wanted him back in my life but I just can’t. He was my once in a lifetime happiness. And a few weeks, he got back back with his ex. It hurts like hell but I tried to smile so that it was as if it didn’t affect me at all.

      But deep inside, it is hurting me. And after a few more months, i had a boyfriend. He was really sweet and kind. He made me feel special. He gave me special attention and he loved me for who i am. I was happy with him. But the hitch was, he was my ex’s friend. But I forgot about my first boyfriend because of him.

      I was happy for a few months but my ex and I had started talking again. Turns out, his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend. We got to talking again and I felt what I have felt before. I still love him. After all these months, it’s still him. And maybe, it will always be just him. My boyfriend and I then broke up and I started to have a connection with my ex again. Even my parents approve of him. And now, we are seeing each other almost on a daily basis but nothing was happening.

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