Is this something that everyone goes through?

[Anonymous]

I’ve had this shameful past for a long time. I was intimate with this girl, which is how i realized that i was gay. I kept going on for about a year or two, but every time it happened, the next moment i felt total regret. It wasn’t just her that i had a physical connection with either. I kept thinking to myself, “What would my friends think?” and “Will everybody treat me differently?”

This secret lasted for 5 years – and every year got worse and worse. Then one day, she told this guy that i liked and his friends everything….. after five years she’s just like “oh yeah by the way, I had a deep physical relationship with the girl you like, so basically she’s a lesbian – anyways how’s your day?” I didn’t know that she told, until afterwards where every time i passed by him and his friends, they would say, “Hey – lesbianist.” (reference from pitch perfect).

Ever since then, I have been afraid to even touch someone romantically. And when someone admits that they even like me – my hands start shaking, I can breathe, it feels like the sky is falling above me and leaving all its weight on me, and I can’t sleep, eat or think, and i start to cry. Sometimes i just wish to be normal for one day…

[Author]

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