I want to be loved and I don’t…

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      I’m beginning to feel so frustrated, I don’t know what to do. I’m 24 years old now and I feel like my life’s coming to an end.

      My family is hellbent on getting me married more than ever to someone of their choice. I’m so scared- of marriage- that I daily wish my life would just end before my next birthday near the end of this year. I don’t want to get married. and especially not to someone I don’t know, but they don’t understand because all the woman in my family have had arrange marriages.

      In over ten years or more, I’ve observed all the married people around me, even my parents. I honestly don’t get what the point of it is. In most cases the husband becomes the dominate force over the wife. They have some kids. They both work but the wife is disrespected. The husband, the way I see it, without his wife, he would really die hungry. the wife can’t leave cause of the kids…

      I hate the idea of marriage. I don’t want to get into that eternal nightmare. my family doesn’t understand. I don’t want to move into a new family and then blindly hope for the best.

      My Aunt, whose always ruining my summer whenever she comes over, actually thought of me to be a fantasizing idiot, telling me “life’s not like in the movies. Don’t think you’ll find a mister right”. I found that funny and sad because she clearly proved she didn’t know me as well as she assumed. I wonder if she had those fantasies before she met her husband who she ended up loving right away- she contradicted herself so much during her attempt to convince me.

      The truth is, don’t have anyone in my sight. I just want to be able to do what I love- writing, drawing, painting, cooking, even try out acting one day- with freedom. I don’t want to get married and essentially “end my life” then complain about how I did in the future- like my poor mom does- to no one who can change the past.
      What should I do?

      If I do find someone before this year ends, I pray he could be more like a best friend than a lover. That’s really what I want. Someone who respects me wholeheartedly. I really wouldn’t want this to be my final year. Marriage will be my death.

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