I dont understand

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      Im 20 years old and I haven’t been in a real relationship before. I’ve had hookups, but that’s as far as its gotten. There’s a girl I’ve been texting on and off since I was 16. I tried really hard to talk to her, we texted over that summer and she even told me how she wanted to have sex. I was not a virgin then but I had never had such a feeling before. We were both travelling alot that summer and by the end we had nit seen each other one time.

      We went to the same high school, but I cut communication before my junior year started. She would always stare across the lunchroom and hallway and stuff but we wouldn’t say a word. She started dating someone else for a few months and we started texting again but then we stopper once again we.texted over my senior summer, still never hung out she would have lame excuses of how she’s too busy doing this or that or whatever so I stopped talking again. I had a knee surgery from football my senior year when she came up with a get well card for me. Literally the same day my mom was fired from her job.

      It was Oct. And I was relocating to a different city a few hours away. She came to my going away party and we hungout for my senior night for football l, but we never kissed or anything. I moved away the next week and tried to keep texting her and see her when I visited my old town every weekend, but still wouldn’t see each other. I stopped talking to her because it just kept going into the same cycle. Then about a year later I ended up moving back and I texted her and we started talking again. We hungout one night and went to the club and she came and stayed over but she was too drunk for us to hookup.

      I thought she was seeing other people after that so I stopper talking to her. And I planned on ending it there permanently. I deleted her off all my social network sites, her cell phone number, and even started talking to another girl. I still had B on my mind, and couldn’t work it out with the other girl. I made it about 6 months until she.texts me out of the blue to ask me if I’m at work, which I am to only see her walking in the door. I got so.upset I had.to.stop what I was doing and go into the back kitchen and broke into tears. She texted me.later about how she had more time and wanted to make it work. But I just couldn’t. Its all I wanted and it was there and I let it go.

      I actually decided to move to a different city for school. We stopped talking again. I thought getting away would help, but I couldn’t miss her more, and I couldn’t regret leaving more than I do. I’ve had girls.approach me at school but I just can’t even let interest gain traction. I think ofa it.and kill it immediately. I can only think of B and about 2 months ago we started talking again and I’ve been to town numerous times hut it’s just the same thing. We just text and never see each other. I’m going to be home for 6 months until I go back for school but all I’m afraid of is the same thing happening. She says were going to hang out and stuff, but I’ve hearing thylat for 4 years and all.it does is make me cry.

      I just don’t know what to do 🙁

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2 thoughts on “I dont understand”

  1. ksm, I read your story and it broke my heart. You need to tell her how you really feel. Let down your walls and just tell her! Don’t hold back any longer because time is unforgiving. I know how hard this is, because I’m going through the same thing right now. Don’t let fear get in your way. Even if it doesn’t work out knowing that you tried will help you to move on. I hope it works out between you two and best of luck.

  2. You now know how you feel when she’s not around! I think if you miss her that much, fighting will be worth it:) go for her!! Try to meet her again or you’ll regret it.