Feel like puking my heart out and smacking some sense into him

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      Anonymous
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      I had a crush on my friend, but now that he’s expressed interest in me I hate his guts. He makes my stomach hurt and I feel smothered and want to make him forget I exist. It’s like I’m afraid of him now and can only focus on his negatives instead of what a great person he truly is.

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5 thoughts on “Feel like puking my heart out and smacking some sense into him”

  1. I am 48 years old now and have not been in a relationship I can be proud of. I am beginning to realize that I can only bear it if I am in complete control. This is of course no way to have a relationship. I can fall in lust easily but have only fallen in love twice. All my life I have run away when anyone has shown an interest in me. I have often had male friends as sex partners and feel relieved that they are leaving in the morning. I love to be the hunter and hate to feel as if I am the hunted, in fact I become insane with terror and confusion. Nothing in my life has specifically caused this and I have had this kind of pattern for as long as I can remember. I am completely resigned to it now.
    My mother has said to me that she feels that I am ‘cold’ as I was left to cry for a whole day after I was born while she was kept away to rest. Who knows if this is the cause? I cannot fathom it out.
    Sometimes it is better to be lonely than to suffer the misery of philophobia. I am sorry if this sounds defeatest but I have a deep lack of trust.

  2. I’ve gone through something similar to this. (Perhaps not very similar, but I’ll still post it.)

    Me and him were relatively okay friends, then rumors began that he had a crush on me. He asked me out, right in the middle of the whole school. Everyone was watching, so I guess I had no other choice but to say yes because of peer pressure… So I said yes, we hugged, I went out with him for a week and then broke up with him. Every time I saw him, I felt like vomiting. I hate him, just like you do, and I don’t know why.

    The thing is, when we were friends he was fine. We got along alright, but bringing love into it all made it awkward when I was with him. I kind of regret breaking up with him, but at the same time I regret saying yes even though I didn’t want to.

    In a way, I’m a bit like Nee now. I just can’t stand him at all. He’s funny (kind of), cheery (a lot), and now I just feel that he’s full of himself. He’s childish, nice, caring, generous… Goofy, too. But I hate him for loving me. And I hate myself for ever thinking that we’d get along well. I just feel scared of being in love again now, too, because I feel like a new guy might change the same way he did…

  3. When I read your post my heart sank….
    I am going threw the exactly same thing, and feeling the exact same way about someone. It pains me to not be able to see how nice, and caring, and generous, and lovely this man is, but every time I see him, even with his goofy smile and his annoying childish charm, i can’t get over the fact that for some reason, I can’t stand him. Not one bit. I hope everything works out…

    • I feel exactly the same way about every relationship I’ve had. I’ve always been the one to break up because I end up not being able the stand them. Some people think I’m a heart-breaker because of this but truly it hurts me more than anyone could every imagine. I don’t know why I have philophobia or how to cure it but he makes me feel better that I am not the only one.

  4. I just told a friend of mine I had a thing for her last week, after knowing her for about a year and a half. When I did, she started to tear up and told me nothing would happen. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but sometimes you just do what you have to do. It hurt very much to know she wasn’t interested, but I needed to know for sure to move on.

    Not you, though. You clearly don’t hate this guy. Are you just scared of what might happen? To your friendship, or your heart? Or to him, if he finds out more about you? Maybe there’s a part of you that wonders why he picked you. If I were in his position, I’d want to know how you really felt.

    He put himself out there because he cares about you. If you like him, but you’re afraid of your feelings, tell him exactly that. A good friend will understand, comfort you, and prove you can trust him. Who knows what will happen in time? It takes great courage to face the unknown.

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