Fear of being loved

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      I hate romance, and love, opening up to someone is impossible, Marriage is a dirty word, and I would rather see the new Paranormal Activity than that RomCom Katherine Heigl’s in. I guess its a bad thing that I’m so involved with my best friend. She says she loves me, She wants to be with me forever, but I don’t understand it.

      It scares the crap outta me. Last night I had a break down, I was screaming and crying, and ended up carving the hell out of my arm. It says some crazy things. Like:
      “I hate myself.”
      (And of course) “Fear of Being Loved”

      I didn’t really remember much of it afterward, but it was enough to scare her to the point of shaking and tears. I need to figure this out, this is my best friend here.

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2 thoughts on “Fear of being loved”

  1. I have the same thing except carving my self and what not but it was because one girl i felt so inlove with me had an abortion and left me for no reason and made up a lie that i cheates.i got i to deppression really bad and really suicidal. After 3 years of all that crying every single day from wake to sometime sleep, i finally met a girl that was super awesome ut when she confessed she loved me our relationship went down hill and the word marriage makes me scare and i sometime shiver cause of the word(been 6years since my breake up with the girl who did an abortion) Well it might be because you still have soo much pain and hurt from someone who broke your heart. Its more like a singer james blunt said once. You cant break my spirit its my dreams you take. Maybe thats why we are that way…….

  2. Did you have a tough childhood? Maybe you didn’t feel loved by someone you felt should have, say a parent? I was just wondering, since I read what you wrote here. It’s really sad to imagine what you and your best friend must be going through- your friend seems to really like you, and that’s wonderful. Do you not feel the same way about her, or you’re not sure? You should really talk to someone about what’s causing your fear. Hope you get better.

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