How can I break religious conditioning/brainwashing?
I’ve been dabbling in occult/esoteric practice for a few months now, and every time I get close to achieving what seems like it would have been a major breakthrough, I’m overcome with terror and will earnestly pray and repent in the heat of the moment because it’s been so ingrained in me that this stuff is evil and satanic. The next day after the fear has passed, I’m back at it again basically starting from square one.
Does this mean I’m not ready?
I designed a ritual to sever myself from the church forever but when I even think about carrying it out I feel sick to my stomach.