They say of all the great inventions man’s ever created, alcohol could be the best. So, it’s no wonder humanity’s greatest minds would invent bigger, bolder, and better ways to enjoy man’s greatest invention. From the flabongo to the morning after pill, we present to you the 15 best booze-related inventions.
A classic, and maybe one of the first booze accessories, the coozy exists for one reason, to keep your hand warm and your drink (preferably beer) cold. This may not matter all that much when you live in the South, Cali, Florida, or the South West, but in the rest of the country, we party outside, even in the winter, and it’s a pain in the ass to stand outside on a porch in the cold, and have your hand freeze from the air AND the cold.
The Breathalyzer (plus, this Breathalyzer costume)
These have become a lot more fashionable at parties recently. There’s no better way to measure your alcoholic dick than by constantly taking your blood alcohol level. Be careful though, you may think it’s fun to do, but you have to blow for a relatively long time to get an accurate reading. So while it may be cool to see your trail .90, you may pass out before you get there, and not from the alcohol.
Beer pong is actually a pretty disgusting game. Those ping pong balls quickly become the central trading hub of every possible germ in the immediate environment, from everyone’s hands to stuff on the floor. Slip Cup which originally came about via a Kickstarter solves the problem — by providing inserts that fit your standard 16- and 18-ounce disposable cups. Also comes with instructions for 15 new beer pong variations.
This is more of a classic piece of drinking history than the rest as most people don’t use these anymore. Most of the time, the stereotypical NASCAR fan or redneck has these at a sporting event, but if you want to have a little attention shined on you while you’re getting wasted, this will do the trick.
Kind of like our last innovation, with a more modern and sexier twist. Two prosthetic breasts are strapped to your shoulders with two straws coming out of the side go up to your mouth and you can chug away. Fun to wear if you’re a girl, and if you’re secure enough as a guy you can wear them as well.
How many times have you been in the middle of a game and you need to take a piss, but it’s a tight game and you can’t leave your seat? What you need is a Stadium Pal.
Sure, you’ll be carrying warm bags of urine attached to your leg or your thigh, but you’re all about team spirit.
The Ice Jacket
Great for outdoor parties in the summer. What this is, basically, is a jacket for your large bottles of alcohol. It’s filled with that gel stuff you find in reusable icepacks so you can have one that will last you for a long time.
Drinking board games
“Shots And Ladders”, “Shot Tac Toe”, “Drunkopoly,” all of these are fun games and great ways to get wasted. It’s fun to sit back and pound em with your buds or your girls, but sometimes, when you have a small party going, you can bust these guys out and have a lot of fun while getting hammered. Some other favorites of mine are “Battleshot”, “Blotto”, and “Sudz.”
Saddle up, partner!! With this great invention, you can carry around six beers right around your waste. I’ve seen them a lot with Dallas Cowboy fans, long trench coat, 10 gallon hate, and this baby. A fun game I’ve seen played is a quick draw of who can slam one or all of the beers the quickest. A cool old West way to get fucked up.
Rapid beverage/wine chiller
For your more upscale drinkers, you have this great invention. It’s basically a mini cooler for one large bottle. If all you’re going to drink is one bottle of wine or vodka or whatever, this is a great way to keep your stuff cool. It cools your alcohol 30x faster than any fridge or freezer. And for you smokers, there’s a tailgate lighter plug in.
Combining booze and shooting, WHAT COULD GO WRONG?! This is actually made only for hard liquor as you can only get an ounce of liquid out at a time, and who wants to drink your beer one ounce at a time!? Make sure you use it on yourself, or the guy who’s shooting at you has great aim, because catching 1oz of pure grain Everclear in the eye is going to sting like a motherfuck.
A great and convenient thing to have on campus or on your way to tailgating. It’s a scooter with a cooler. As long as you don’t have to go too far, you’ll have more than enough power to get around campus or the parking lot.
The motor gives you a chance to go 12 miles an hour, but let’s face it, if you go any faster, you might get caught with a DWI. And if you want to attach another cooler to it and drag it with you, there’s a trailer hitch. Plug in, have fun.
The Beer Bong
Never has something so awesome been invented for the college kid. For the 1% of you who don’t know, this is a super fast alcohol delivery system. It’s basically a hose attached to a funnel that you can shotgun 1, 2, 3, or even 4 (hell I’ve seen 7) beers at once.
There’s basically two types of bongs, a single, a double, or an octo bong. What about a bong made out of a plastic flamingo? There’s also a “mile high” one which is really fun and is mostly used in two or three story frat houses. You have one guy stand out on the balcony or hang the bong out a window, and have someone on the very bottom take a hit.
The Stateroom Bar
How many times have you been dragging a cooler with you to a game or to a party when you go “You know, I wish I had a full bar with me right now!?” Well ok, maybe you don’t say that, but with this beauty, you can take a bar with you pretty much everywhere you go.
Sure, it’s 23 x 24 x 58, and sure, it ways north of a few hundred pounds; but hey it’s got wheels, so how hard could it be to get around? It’s got a nice sized mirror, an actual brass bar, drawers and shelves for standing and sitting bottles and, best of all, a removable game board. Sadly, unless you’re a millionaire, or at least have some good credit, you’re SOL as this thing costs just over $2,000.
Because some beer companies just HAVE to distinguish themselves from their unwashed low brow brethren who have twist off caps; these modern marvels are still necessary. The best place to keep one is on your keychain as it’s usually the most handy thing around you at all times. They are also a great way to start a conversation with a chick.
If there’s one thing that everyone loves to do while drunk, it’s play video games. But underneath the screen is, you guessed it, a space for a keg of beer and the tap is right on the side. No quarters, no paying for refills; if this thing had a pair of tits it would satisfy your every need!!
It’s equipped with a 24 inch LCD screen, 2.1 surround w/ woofer, and a 5lb aluminum CO2 tank. If you can get your favorite beer in a skinny keg, you’re all set and the cooling system keeps your beer cold for weeks at a time. Here are a few of the classic games that come programmed into the game: Mortal Kombat 1, 2, and 3, Smash TV, Street Fighter, Paperboy, Arch Rivals, Marble Maddness, Pong, Primal Rage, and Pitfall.
But, much like our Stateroom Bar; it’s pricey. This one, just under $4,000.
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