>be me
>25 yr old tranner, been transitioning for 3.5 years
>go to Pride this year with my friends who finally accept me and see me as a woman
>I'm all dolled up, makeup done, nails done, hair done, cute outfit
>get super high and fucked up
>get so high that I start to dissociate and question my existence (idk? i dont smoke)
>get stuck in these thought loops where I realize I'm Not Actually Fucking Trans
>WhatTheFuckAmImWearingBro.jpeg
>think i'm actually a man and made a huge mistake
>snap out of it, realize I'm a woman again and freak out. Rinse/repeat until my high wears off
>friends tell me it was just anxiety but I can tell they thought it was weird
>What the fuck did this mean?
Unlike what liberals OR cons tell you, you get to decide if youre trans or not. be a man, be a woman, whatever. You can detransition any time you want, or you can transition further for as long as you want. its all in your control
there's a suspension of disbelief inherent to changing your social role from one gender to another. we don't think about gender on a thinky-brained level, it's more of a monkey-brain level understanding (like a lot of human social stuff).
sounds like you felt the standard conflict between body (penis) and gender role (lady) that most trans women experience but don't directly observe. only thru drugs did you have the motivation to question everything AND to believe anything that came out of that questioning. you may have similar experiences on other psychedelics (lsd, shrooms)
this is correct, we choose how we identify. there's no "mistake" here, you just noticed incongruity that's unavoidable wrt your biology. you can still be a woman if you wanna, cause woman is so strongly defined by culture and social roles (not so much biology). ur fine babe
t. detranner
>woman is so strongly defined by culture and social roles (not so much biology)
wut
true i'm just scared to get that super high around friends again because i'm afraid they'll stop seeing me as a woman and think i'm some pretender. I have dysphoria 100%, it's just while I was that high I lost that sense of self I have sober
aww, stoner on the brink of quitting weed :') dont worry, youll find other reasons to not want to be high around your friends soon
NTA but as a functioning stoner I'm very intrigued by what you're hinting at here?
>lost my sense of self
yep that's psychedelics for u lol
female is more of a looks game than anything else nowadays, because we can't peer intro strangers genitals or chromosomes (biological indicators), so we rely on second-hand indicators aka secondary sexual characteristics like tits, hips, voice, face shape.
add in the third-hand indicators (social norms) like "girliness", long hair, form-fitting clothing, etc
to be a woman is just to fit the right expectations at a glance from a stranger. that's what 'passing' is for most of trans people's lives, and why tranners here get so upset if they are even a tiny bit clockable in one photo: one look is all most others will get of them
This is exactly how I feel too. I think all this discussion over "true trans", AGP/HSTS, male socialization, etc. is all pretty BS and useless.
Really all that matters if you PASS. it doesn't mattter how u got there or what method, just whether ppl subconsciously "see" a woman or not.
passing is like a carrot on a stick. youll always find a flaw you didnt see previously.
first youll get dysphoric over not having boobs. then youll get dysphoric over having small boobs. then itll be over the shape of your boobs. then once theyre a good shape, youll worry about how the nipples are kinda pointed weird. then youll kys over ONE hair on your nipples
passing is just a spiral
maybe to trans women this is what being a woman is. but being a woman has always been about the biology. the gametes and reproductive role. the physical appearance and gender roles are a lower dimensional shadow of the biological reality
>implying that women who don't have viable eggs or can't get pregnant aren't actually women.
kill yourself retard
what i said and what you concluded are not equivalent. its a very big leap to go from 'infertile females are still female' to 'being a female is just about appearance'
the truth is somewhere in the middle
agreed
to be fair anon, your talking points are very rehashed and narrow-minded among trans people
gender roles ARE just a shadow of biological reality, i agree. but when was the last time you confirmed that biological reality with any of the people in your life who you consider "real" women? you don't make them get a fertility test or inspect their genome, you see if they have a fat ass and a high-pitched voice and (automatically) conclude they fit the role of "woman" in your brain
yes, as with so many things
well no i dont recognize those things or see them as the determining factor in what is a woman. appearance has a lot to do with it but even then its the face that matters the most. absent of a face, the voice yes which is a deep expression of the psyche not just an appearance. and then even if the voice was gone you can judge by cognition, you could test males and females and reliably predict which is which to a certain degree of accuracy. so its not just appearance, appearance is a reflection of the immaterial processes of mind. this is also why i believe transsexuals are female, but not just because they look like one
>face matters the most
how come? is it because it's the place we look at the most, and so the place we are most likely to notice small details in?
>transsexuals are female, but not just because they look like one
interested by this. what do you think makes them female then? do they have "girl brain"?
yeah i think we notice the most details in it since its what we interact with most but its also the most expressive part of our body so can communicate an extreme amount of subtleties very quickly both consciously and unconsciously. so it has a lot of sexual dimorphic traits, but some of these traits are present in the opposite sex which is responsible for things like "gay face". and i mean we can only assume the presence of similar traits in females and gay males would mean there is probably correlation between the behavior of an organism and how it appears. well we know this is the case because its how organisms become suited to their environments, the body/physicality has to be a way for the genes to communicate survival/reproductive information very quickly using a visual medium. this extends to the rest of the body of course but its starts with face which is why when we think of a person we see their face
>do they have "girl brain"?
i think as far as you can say that yeah. i think there are differences between cis f and ts f brains but for the most part its a complete psychosexual inversion which for all intents and purposes is a form of sex reversal like xy females and xx males. but its a psychic inversion, so it extends to all other sexed domains stemming from the main incongruence, reproductive role
it means reddit is down the hall and the left i believe
It means lay off the drugs
more drugs more drugs MORE DRUGS MORE DRUGS (wesponsibwy....)
I want to kiss you
weed especially in higher doses with low tolerance ccan and will cause paranoia, which is most likely what you experienced. dont overthink it, but if it did mean something to you theres no issue exploring it
>don't overthink it, but it's ok to explore it
good advice!!
you can think all sorts of insane shit when you're on drugs, but the "real" thoughts are the ones that you integrate into your sober life, the ones that are logically sound and you had just never considered before. drugs are cool in moderation, like everything else
inject youselrf with 50mg of pure test
You got something like ego death probably. The thing is, you don't have any femimine essence, soul, identity or whatever. You transitioned not because of that, but because ur stupid monkey brain has dysphoria, wants to have boobs and feels envy for other females.
But when you disable it by drugs, you don't need to be a girl anymore as it feels pointless and something you need to do in material world just to satisfy ur monkey brain. I don't get why u felt like a man though, because during such psychodelic trips I realized I am enby.
But I suppose you took ketamine, not psychodelidcs and me too have very weird experiences with it. Under them ur brain works in schizo-mode like in ur dreams, you forget literally everything, have very weird thoughts, etc. During my khole trip I was very afraid I actually became schizophrenic and will always be stuck in my head lol. So probably ur schizo subconscious woke up ur pretransition thoughts, killed any dysphoria, suppressed most memories and it ended up in such fucked up mental state u had. So either don't take ketamine or at least u should achnowledge that thoughts under it not 100% real
>take drugs that disrupt self percption in high dosage
>self perception gets disrupted
>WOAG, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN HELP EVERYONE I'M FREAKING OUT
just stop taking the drugs dumbass
>letting your brain tell you what do do.
Ngmi, need to tell that asshole to shut it
it means you are a man. The drugs were removing the programing your brain has gone through. Find help and de-transition.
no it doesn't lmao
some ppl think they are animals or see aliens on drugs, there's not inherent wisdom to it.
i had this happen to me when i took too many edibles
it went away after i stopped smoking weed
weed is bad for people's minds if you get the strong stuff, causes psychotic breaks