Am I valid for choosing to identify as a transfem enby because I don't want to get the retarded expectactions normie society puts on women?


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Am I valid for choosing to identify as a transfem enby because I don't want to get the retarded expectactions normie society puts on women?
I want to have retarded frizzy hair because I think it's cute sometimes, I want to not have to worry about wearing make up all the time, I don't want to have to worry about getting my eyebrows perfect and to get almost suicidal because I fucked up when plucking them (this actually happened to me a few weeks ago, lol), I don't want to have to spend a shit ton of money to get professionals to work on my nails, hair, eyebrows, makeup, etc, etc (also, women that do that end up looking too artificial and uncanny) and I still want to go out and have fun with the boys, etc.
I talked to normie cishet acquaintance the other day and she was talking about all the things I need to learn to be a woman, and how I need to spend huge sums of money when going out, and how I need to do that to get a man. That made me deeply uncomfortable.
I'd rather find a cool bi bf who isn't crazy about their partners performative femininity than getting a normie straight man who's all weird with that stuff.

  1. 2 days ago
    Anonymous

    There's nothing wrong with that but fundamentally we live in a gendered society where you will be pressured to conform to the standards of whichever gender you are perceived as. If you're an amab enby you'll be pressured to either reject your femininity and return to the masculine role or to fully embrace womanhood and the conventions that come with it.

    Of course, you don't have to do that. Nobody has a gun to your head. But in most aspects of your life there will be social consequences for failing to do be categorized.

    • 2 days ago
      Anonymous

      what ?? but they told me i can just b a feminine man

      • 2 days ago
        Anonymous

        who told you that

        • 2 days ago
          Anonymous

          the ppl who tell me to not take estrogen since like 13

      • 2 days ago
        Anonymous

        lol anybody pitching that to you as a compromise instead of transitioning would usually be happiest with you doing neither. They are both failures to fulfill the masculine role. You will be forced to justify that failure in most circles throughout your entire life.

        • 2 days ago
          Anonymous

          what does this mean i don’t understand do i need to be masculine i can’t deal with that stuff it would be tiring
          i’m only 18

          • 2 days ago
            Anonymous

            Nta, but you sound really low IQ and idk if this is a bit or not.

            • 2 days ago
              Anonymous

              okay idc lol ?

              It means that if people see you as a man who doesn't conform to traditional male roles in society they will judge you for it. It's the same thing in reverse for women. When they say "have you thought about being a feminine man instead of transitioning?" They see both of those options as a failure to properly be a man, just one as worse than the other. You'll still have to deal with the same kind of scrutiny even as a feminine man.

              i understand i just pray i suddenly snap out of all this one day

          • 2 days ago
            Anonymous

            It means that if people see you as a man who doesn't conform to traditional male roles in society they will judge you for it. It's the same thing in reverse for women. When they say "have you thought about being a feminine man instead of transitioning?" They see both of those options as a failure to properly be a man, just one as worse than the other. You'll still have to deal with the same kind of scrutiny even as a feminine man.

          • 2 days ago
            Laodicea

            Cis people will always see you as a man. Who cares what they think. Grow some female balls.

            • 2 days ago
              Anonymous

              why would they still see me as a man i don’t understand are they checking my chromosomes or something

  2. 2 days ago
    Laodicea

    I'm agender. Doesn't matter really, but you won't be the first.

  3. 2 days ago
    clay

    im just glad im a pan male (still wondering if im nonbinary or not) cus i don't have to push myself into heteronormative stereotypes but i still feel that pressure to "be a man" that sometimes i feel like maybe if i delve into art and stuff like that i can use that as a medium to freely express myself without feeling suffocated all the time.

  4. 2 days ago
    Anonymous

    tbh even straight men aren't really into all that stuff like nails, makeup, complicated hairstyles etc. it's just for the benefit of a subset of women. and there are many, if not the majority, of cis women who feel the same as you about useless cosmetic habits and gender norms. you can identify however you want obviously and you won't be the only person to do so because of norms, but idk maybe you just need to meet more cis women with varying hobbies and personalities because they mostly feel like you do

  5. 2 days ago
    Anonymous

    you absolutely can but if you look like a male at all, most people will just treat you like a man. it sucks but it’s kinda just how it is, but maybe it’s just because im too masculine

    • 2 days ago
      Anonymous

      What if I malefail as a boymoder?

      • 2 days ago
        Anonymous

        if u look like a woman u will be treated like a woman generally. i think that’s something a lot of people don’t get about being nb, cis people only see male and female and will treat you as whichever you look like unless you’re just insanely androgynous i guess

        • 2 days ago
          Isabella M.

          I feel it's easier for them to understand tomboy than nb fem.

          • 2 days ago
            Anonymous

            yeah afabs seem to have a lot more room to be gender non conforming before being seen as a freak than amabs do 🙁

            • 2 days ago
              Anonymous

              take a cue from altmoders and metalmoder mtf tranners. you just gotta pull off that sort of glam/punk/butch look.

              don't try to look like a purple haired sterotype with messy eyeliner and 5 o clock shadow. you can look GOOD without conforming to a gender

            • 2 days ago
              Isabella M.

              No like you can say you're a Trans tomboy, they just think nbs are spicy cis women or Trans women beards or something. It's sad for nbs.

  6. 2 days ago
    Isabella M.

    Why not just being a tomboy? Would would have that freedom but keep womanhood.

    • 2 days ago
      Anonymous

      Tomboy adults are not a thing. Tomboyism is a teenage girl thing.

      • 2 days ago
        Anonymous

        Uh I know tomboy adults but I live in the southern usa where they’re common

  7. 2 days ago
    Anonymous

    I know at least 2 enbies who have natural crazy curly hair.

    t. one of em

    • 2 days ago
      Anonymous

      Ebyn :DDDD

  8. 2 days ago
    Anonymous

    Even a lot of bi guys expect their partner to conform at least partially to conventional beauty standards. For example, androgynous tomboys in media still wear light makeup and wax their hair and coordinate their outfits. Like unkempt hair and acne are a turn off to most people even putting gender completely aside. You can still find someone but just expect it to be harder and especially if you have the introverted personality of many on this board. I used to be like you (as an afab) and gave zero fucks about what I looked like, nowadays I try to present as a bi tomboy and ironically I spend way more time on my appearance now because at the very least I wax my hair up and get a haircut every month to keep it short, I'm lucky to have pinstraight hair or yes I would have to maintain wavy hair to stop it from getting frizzy, I have a skincare routine to keep my skin clear, and put brow gel on my brows, and pay attention to my combination of and color of my clothes although I don't wear skirts and dresses, I put on cologne when going out, etc. And I'm not even performing femininity per se.

    • 2 days ago
      Anonymous

      Of course, I'd still wear light makeup and wax my body hair because I like it that way, and plan on getting a chemical straightening to so I don't have to deal with frizz, but I just hate how over the top femininity gets sometimes.

      • 2 days ago
        Anonymous

        amab cis(ish) he/hoo here. I still rock a little foundation concealer just because... MAKEUP WORKS AND IT DONT CARE WHATS IN YOUR PANTS

      • 2 days ago
        Anonymous

        I get the sense from anons in the south that somehow most cis women there are cloned bottle blondes. I live in a coastal city and the cis women I know tend to choose their own aesthetic and their romantic chances go just fine as long as they are taking care of themselves (since being slim and well-groomed is a universal plus). I don't think you are missing out on much by having your own aesthetic anyway, any man who wants a girl that looks exactly like all her friends is probably a man who can't accept an MtF gf anyway

  9. 2 days ago
    Anonymous

    You should identify as a transfem enby if that's what feels like the better fit for your gender identity, not just because you don't want to conform to conventional feminine gender roles. You can be a trans woman without being obligated to conform to those gender roles. Tomboy, androgynous (like cis les androgyny) and even butch trans women exist and valid.

    I'm technically a transfem enby though I choose to present like a femme trans woman the vast majority of the time (I don't think I'm far enough into transition to be able to pull off a theyfab androgynous look yet and I don't want to give anyone an excuse to misgender me).

  10. 2 days ago
    Anonymous

    >Am I valid for choosing to identify as a transfem enby
    i'm a transfem enby and it's not okay lol

  11. 2 days ago
    Anonymous

    >Am I valid for choosing to identify as a transfem enby
    Yes

    • 2 days ago
      Anonymous

      Misread the question. The answer is no, you're retarded.

  12. 2 days ago
    Anonymous

    Fucking misogynist sexist. You also think a butch is not a woman?

    Trans is about once body, not an acting performance. Not playing dress up.
    You medically transition to alter your sex? You’re trans. You do it for any other reason than experienced sex incongruence? You’re a retard.
    You are not enby but “gnc”

    • 2 days ago
      Anonymous

      Tbh, it's mostly cis women who enforce that stuff on other women.

    • 2 days ago
      Isabella M.

      Cisco women enforce that stuff on other women and especially judge if your a trans woman, misogyny it's intersectional. If only men enforce it wouldn't exit

    • 2 days ago
      Anonymous

      ??? do you not see that she isn't the one who set those standards? literally cishet people are the arbiters of gender, they made the scripts that we have to follow, and to many cishet people there's no point in being a trans woman if you're attracted to women, let alone the layers of comprehension it would take to understand a butch trans woman or even a trans tomboy, trans women are expected to conform to hyperfeminity, then people get mad they're promoting stereotypes, and when they don't then they're not considered woman enough,

      so how is it sexist and misogynistic to put words to this?

      • 2 days ago
        Isabella M.

        They may think we dictate the world in the shadows or something and reinforce estereotipes with our trans magic

        I have the luck of being hiper feminine and like men. But doesn't mean I want other Trans women or cis women forced on that lol.

  13. 2 days ago
    Salt

    You're a woman with cope
    Many such cases
    You can be a messy dishevelled woman, you can reject the expectations put on you. That does not make you woman-lite.
    This is why we need a wave of trans feminism imo

    • 2 days ago
      Isabella M.

      It's jard to pull out, even caccepting" cis feminist call you male socialized. You're like you're not less a woman, but you are male socialized lol, recognize your previous male privileges.
      Their tranphobia it's more refined than terfs, they are not going to let Trans women lead a feminist movement. They just like the aesthetic of acceptance while othericing you every time they can.

      • 2 days ago
        Isabella M.

        Cis feminism it's an scam it can be conservative grannies are more open to ully accept you as fully a woman if you tell them you are trans than average millenial and Gen z feminists

        • 2 days ago
          Isabella M.

          It can't be*

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