Am I truly philophobic?

I'm not afraid of being hurt or heartbroken, I'm afraid of breaking THEIR heart when I can't or won't show them the same affection they show me. I always push people away. If I like someone, or if someone likes me, I make it a point to avoid them and ignore my/their feelings.

I've never been in a "real" relationship and part of me wants to be, but part of me is scared of being loved and in love and I don't really know why I feel like that. Love seems unattainable, but I also feel like I wouldn't want it if I ever got that chance... The whole concept of being in love just terrifies me...

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