Go out and do something NOW. It DOESN'T get better. Aging is depressing and It's only downhill in your 30s.
Advice for zoomers.
Falling into your wing while paragliding is called 'gift wrapping' and turns you into a dirt torpedo pic.twitter.com/oQFKsVISkI— Mental Videos (@MentalVids) March 15, 2023
For the love of god please oldfag tell me what to do outside. Sometimes I'll just drive to a city 80 miles away and walk around, talk to no one, then go back home. People don't even do anything anymore.
t. 20 y/o zoomer
Do that except research things going on in that city and talk to people
How and where do you find people to talk to? I want to have fun experiences while I'm young but I don't even know how to begin.
Go to a concert and offer people weed
Bars and clubs are portrayed as being full of people for a reason.
Also any place you like to go, go regularly. The staff and other regulars will start to notice you and things flow from there. Had it happen at gyms, book stores, game shops, coffee places, restaurants, fuck, even my lawyer's office when I was getting divorced.
Take up gardening.
That sounds like something I could do when I'm old.
Don't write of something simply because you can start it later. You never know what you might find super enjoyable/satisfying.
Plus once a person masters a hobby it's a feeling beyond words.
Go do something like disc golf you could join a group with. My nephews do it and the sport is all over the place. I hate social situations, but one where you’re doing something always puts me at ease. Older friend told me a long time ago, most people only want to talk about themselves so if you listen to someone and take an interest in them you’ll make a lot of friends. It’s a cheap hobby and if you like it then you have another excuse to go outside to practice. Maybe you’ll like it and do a competition and get the competitive adrenaline going. I did an obscure archery sport and loved competing and meeting new people. And always remember that you can return to your lonely hole anytime and go back to normal, it’s always there for you which gave me comfort.
How do you get into things like that before you've played it? Are there beginner's sessions that people go to or something?
Look up clubs, find one you could do, email one of the head people and tell them you’re interested and ask for some advice to get started. Ask when the next get together is, say you’ll be there. Go, introduce yourself, and remember that people desperately want to share their knowledge and help. So just ask questions, be enthusiastic, and don’t care how you do. I got great at the sport I did because everyone thought they knew better. I went and asked all the people I admired for advice and they were thrilled to teach me.
Excellent points man. Especially the listing peace. Never realized how powerful that is until got a book on effectively communicating with kids that talked about it. Started practicing it at work so I could do better with my son. FF a few years and I've now got people queuing up to talk to me in my office.
Thanks man. I follow a set of rules when meet people; shake hands, make eye contact, look happy, be interested in the person. But man it clicked when my buddy, who is a popular guy, said that everyone is just waiting for their turn to talk. Most people are starved for someone to be genuinely interested in what they have to say or teach. It opens a lot of door. I remember this guy in art college who was so happy and enthusiastic (not in an annoying way) with what ever art or thing you were doing. He was great to be around. Years later that guy was working on Simpsons, Family guy and American Dad.
No problem. And you're 100% right. While it seems so simple, it's really so rare to find that in life when it doesn't have to be.
They positively is it's own reward, but that's only if it's also sincere.
If it is though? Oh man, the sky is the limit.
It is! Yeah you’re right where it seems so simple but no talks about it. All these guys saying be alpha, be confident, which is good. But just listening and being interested in people can get you so much further and you don’t have to change a lot about yourself.
this is dumb but is there a trick to become more interested in people? I've realized that I don't ask as many questions as I should but I sometimes legit can't think of anything. I know some people whose live's only revolve around parties and friend/familly drama and stuff. I'm not judging but I just can't be bothered and if I try it's still pretty hard
I feel you. I want to build some social contact, but pretending to be interested in the shit people talk about is exhausting.
In my case I think I'm probably focusing too much on the topic and content of the conversation and not enough on the social aspect of it, but I can only focus on one or the other. That's the tism for you, I guess.
This is why I think a hobby is good for meeting people. Your main focus for conversation is the sport. Get a feel for people in that setting then see where it leads. I get you though, it is hard with a lot of normies. I lot of people are boring. I usually just keep it to a surface level, but just be happy and a little enthusiastic if there is drama and you know something it’s fine to gossip. If im comfortable around the people I do a Seinfeld where you just talk about random stuff and point out things. Hope that makes sense or helps. Eventually you’ll find people you click with. I had to live in Odessa for six months, I didn’t know anyone, so I took a scuba course. People there eventually asked me to hang out after. A lot of them were annoying, but I made one good friend who I still say hi to when I have to go there.
>I do a Seinfeld where you just talk about random stuff and point out things
Yeah I do that to with the closest friends I have. Just hanging out with them I'm relaxed and can make funny comments and make people laugh. I still have a hard time doing 1 on 1, or being put on the spot and having to tell a story or talk about my life. I'll have to work on that. Thanks
Keep at it man, we all start somewhere.
It definitely gets easier with repetition.
>do a Seinfeld
Based. Both because funny AND helpful.
Not really. It can defuse be hard. While not on a spectrum I've got sociopathic tendencies that make it tough.
While not I'm not malicious it's veey hard for me to care or have someone's feelings resonate with me. Really you've just gotta try your best.
While it feels like going through the motions when I do it, trying my best to focus on thier content, keep attentive/welcoming body language, and just say "yah" or echo there feelings it really does work.
I've had a lot of folks come up and tell me how much they appreciate it, how heard they felt, or that I'm one of the best listeners they know.
Sadly, the bar here is really low.
Fuck, that writing is atrocious. No more long posts using a phone.
Make social normie male friends. They all play one type of sportsball as their excuse to socialise. In America its probably basketball but anywhere else its usually football. Just be average and you're good enough to be invited to the regular sportsball sessions. It's mostly just athleticism so make sure you do cardio if you're unfit before you embarrass yourself on your first session. These are generally the guys who spend a lot of time talking to women so you'll meet women just by spending some time with them. If you're not a creep, repulsively ugly and somewhat funny you'll get invited to just hang out. Don't flake and contribute to the conversation and that's it.
Take a cooking class, visit a museum or an art gallery, take a dance class. Go on a hiking trail and enjoy nature. Go to a concert or music festival. Watch the sunrise or sunset. Go to a comedy show. Go to the zoo. Practice birding. Go stargazing. Take a bike ride. Explore the city. Go to the farmers market. Go to the movies. Go dancing. Karaoke. Take a workshop. Learn something new. Go for a walk. Get some exercise. Take up jogging. There's literally dozens of things you can do besides the internet champ
Don't get me wrong I rarely smoke but damn that pic got me
100% fake news. Life is entirely what a person makes of it.
I turned 36 Friday and as time goes on my life gets objectively better in nearly every way. Ignore OP and his doomer BS.
not OP but can u elaborate? I'm scared of aging
Happily. So I think the best way to do it is give some context. Bear with me.
Came from a super dysfunctional home life. Joined the military at 18 as a fat kid with nearly nothing. Literally a trash bag of cloths and a used Ford Contour. Never got good grades, pretty antisocial, virgin past HS, etc. Family was full of mental illness, drug/alcohol problems and literally bankrupt. Constantly sad/nervous/angry/lonely.
One thing I decided though was I didn't want to stay that way.
So I worked and got educated and practiced. On everything. Exercise, financial literacy, talking to people, talking to girls, my mental health, you name it. It was slow and excruciating but I kept my mindset and tried to sorround myself with more influences/resources as I found them. I never perceived my self as "settling" (though with hindsight I can see I did sometimes that's ok because I kept the mindset). I learned hot to build positive feedback loops in every part of my life I didn't like, and the more I did it the faster/better I could do it next time.
FF to today. I have a job I love and will retire fully at 48. Despite not going to college I'm both educated and financial set. I hurt for nothing and that's with a mortgage, alimony payments, and supporting my dad pos-stroke on top of normal bills. I'm more physically fit then guys 10 years younger and am w/I striking distance of the 6-pack I've been chasing for years. I have an amazing sonnI foaught hard to get custody of and who I have a relationship with I couldn't fathom growing up with my parents. Getting laid isn't a problem. Or talking to people. My mental health is much better and my quarks are healthy managed. All my friendships add value and meaning to my life and i know my friends reall will be there for me. Most importantly I've never felt happier, more at peace, or more fulfilled.
And I know anyone can do this because I've watched many, many others, often in worse shape then me, do the same thing.
Wow. What a great thing. This is surely worth reading even out loud.
Thanks man. Embarrassing typos aside I hope I got my point across with out sounding glib or like braggart.
It just makes me mad how many people passively choose to stay in bad circumstances or let good ones decay.
No one can pick thier starting point and the deck is more stacked against some then others. That said, there's always something a person can do to improve their condition. Even if only by the smallest degree.
Shit man, if nothing else, just look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. Dude has cracked 75 and is more in love with life then most 10 year Olds.
While we can't control everything we can control a hell of a lot. It's all in how you think about/view things, and what you chose to do.
Aging isn't depressing. That is you projecting your failure to be happy.
Good idea to do things.
>> It's only downhill in your 30s.
No it isn't
This is the best advice posted in a while. Life slows down sooner than you think!
> t. 28 yo anon
How? At 28 you have true autonomy, acces to sex/guns/booze/drugs, should be in decent financial shape, and done with uni/trade school.
Yet with none of the health issues of those in retirement.
What on earth are you doing?
I'm around that anon's age. Not him though.
>acces to sex/guns/booze/drugs
sex is really a young person's thing. like 19 year olds. if you missed the boat on that, then you're going to talk to ai chatbots until you die. guns are illegal here basically and you need to be insanely rich to hae one. booze and drugs are just a speedrun to hell.
>should be in decent financial shape
50% of your money goes to taxes and the other shit goes toward high as fuck rent? at least you're not starving i guess
>done with uni/trade school
not done paying for it
Any chance I can ask what county your in?
cringe state in us
>cringe state in US
>naturally socially isolating
>guns illegal yet access to booze/drugs
Am I talking to a fellow Californian???
think east coast
New York or DC?
Woof. Well, while not exactly the same, as a Cali-fag I definitely feel you.
All that said though, given that our base situations are comparable, may I ask what's holding you back?
Why do you feel sex is a young man's game? If so much income is going to taxes/rent/debt what's preventing that dynamic from changing? Etc, etc.
>may I ask what's holding you back?
Dating apps suck and don't work. I had one "date" with a woman and it was just me feeding her and her friend. Why I did that? I don't know but amongst her friends I was probably sucker of the year. You're just not gonna get far unless you're a rapper or someone she has more to gain from fucking. Also, after 25 the only social place is the workplace now. I wouldn't entertain talking to women at the workplace if you want to remain employed.
>If so much income is going to taxes/rent/debt what's preventing that dynamic from changing?
I could, but then you're going to a state with weak job prospects. You either choose mid money, BIG TAXES or small money mid taxes. Maybe there is more to it but I might have to research every state one by one. Anyone from a low tax state have any input?
What the fuck do I do, I haven't done "social" stuff in 4 years now and the last time I went out of my house was two months ago. How do I prevent it from getting worse
By doing something, anything, differently.
Start now. In whatever way you can. Doesn't matter how small.
Just do it and keep doing it.
Then build from there.
I'm 27 and I agree. Unless you have kids or you're a Navy Seal, not much to do after 25.
>Not much to do
I don't even know where to start.
I think my life got a lot better at 30. I'm just worried it's too late or will soon be ruined for financial or health reasons. It seems historically God does not want me to be happy and secure. At best I get one.
What makes you say that anon?
Also try reading up on stoicism, absurdisum, or Taoism. All are pretty beneficial when it comes to cultivating happiness/contentment regardless of circumstance.
Those are interesting and useful, but I do not wish to give up on material happiness and living a long healthy life, I know it is not fully up to me, but I can affect the answer if fate is not blowing to overwhelmingly against my wishes. In fact my intentions could be the difference in what happens.
Nor should you. One's active pursuit of a goal, of any sort, can be an incredible vehicle of positive change in and of itself.
Honestly the way you speak on the matter, and the fact you recognize your own agency in things are strong indicators you're on your way to a positive outcome. Or at least one as positive as circumstances allow.
The recommended reading is more some added perspective on when results, even when optimal don't meet expectations. More a problem for some then others, but handy all the same.
Stay in shape dude, wtf. The idea that you just get fat is made up. There's no excuse. If you can't move at 40 and it's not because of injury, you fucked up.
Bitch stfu. I feel better in my 30s than I ever have before. Yea go out and enjoy your youth so you can learn and grow and be like me riding the high in my 30s.